Is that me? How did THAT happen??

If I do NOTHING else in 2012....

2012-01-05T23:01:00.002Z

I will sort out my finances. I am 46 years of age and I cannot get to grips with my money. I earn a good wage, but have racked up various debts over the years.....including remorgaging twice....and borrowing 30k to pay off the fekkin ex-hub. I have 3k on a credit card and an old overdraft of 2k....I need to go self empolyed from April and this has, erm, concentrated my mind somewhat so I don't let this already leaky ship go down....

I've always managed to get work...despite no real qualifications, apart from good manners and an ability to get along with most people. I can type, use an apostrophe,spell and can add up in my head. The Nuns did a good job.

I think I'm afraid of money. Is that odd? I get a panic attack just thinking about my bank balance, even when I'm in the black. I like to spend money....not on big things, but on nice bits from John Lewis....and I've never spent any more that £500 on anything....even my wedding dress! I have never had an ISA and the only reason I have a pension is that they deducted it from source....

My sisters are the same as me. And we NEVER talk about it. I suppose they are as embarassed as me.

So. I'm determined that my daughter will be much more money savvy than me. She has a bank account and puts her spare cash in the account. She wants to get a job so she can SAVE for a car or stash some cash for uni.

Save? What's that!? When I was her age I was paid in cash on a Thursday, took out £20 and gave the rest to my mother. I smoked and drank the £20 over the weekend. Happy days!

I have decided to keep a spending diary. So far, since Monday I have spent £220. This does not include my standing orders/direct debits. Shit! £220!!!! And it's only Thursday.

It is painful for me to keep a list as I can see how much shite I buy. And how much I spend on the kids. And how fekkin grateful TESCO should be to women like me as we seem to spend almost all our income in your fekkin' extra/metro/express money pits.

The car is in for it's MOT so....three Hail Mary's and an Our Father it'll come through...and I can keep it on the road for another year....

So I'll keep up the spending list and keep the blog posted on how much I'm spending and hopefully....with some words of encouragment, I can get to grips with my pennies and pounds in 2012!!!

Happy New Year!!!!

Busy doing nothing!

2011-10-22T14:03:00.003+01:00

I'm having a 'do nothing' day. I do not have anything I have to do. The kids are at their dads for the weekend and my lovely man is otherwise occupied so I AM COMPLETELY ALONE!!!! Yay!!

I've just put a colour in my hair and I'm watching Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares on 4OD. I might get off my arse and make a cup of tea....or not!

I am so used to catering for everyone elses needs that when I get a day like today, I can't quite believe it.

I'll run a bath, maybe. Or pluck my eyebrows, maybe! Or I might just continue to sit here, DOING NOTHING!!

Today's to do list.....

2011-09-12T16:47:00.013+01:00

Get cat to the vets;

Practice sad face in the mirror just in case vet says it terminal.

Find the funding bid started in July for Befriending project on one of 24 frikkin data sticks I have on the go;

Finish re-writing the twice already re-written and very much overdue report for a charity that funds one of my projects;

Write and deliver induction for two new student social workers, who start tomorrow...who I have known about for, erm, three months, and, actually thinking about it ....I might have something saved on on of the aformentioned 24 data sticks....

Finish painting front room...went for a Swedish off white look...got the set from Willy Wonka's chocolate factory...remember the scene where Mike TV was sent as a TV signal? Well it's a bit brighter that that...cat has snow blindness and have to keep curtains closed. Hmmm.

Plan boyfriends 50th drinks – 3 week and counting; He is trying to ignore the upcoming big 50. Men, so vain. He thinks he is low maintaince. I explained that he is actually high maintainance, I just do all the boring (essential) stuff for him. Apart from chew his food, that is, though once he starts to loose the teeth.......

Phone my mother; She complained to my sister that the phone was on the blink and she couldn't hear it ring or indeed, when she answered, anyone talking.....and she has now admitted that, having had a flash all singing (ringing!) one paid for by my sister...it's actually my mother, not the phone. She is just completely deaf. Maybe a hearing dog...??

Bring in car for service following disaster on M40 when head gasket went;

Upgrade my AA account to include EVERYTHING that might happen on the M40 in a 10 yr old Peugeot with 100,000 miles on the clock;

Book and pay for driving lessons for darling daughter; SO SHE CAN DRIVE AWAY AND AND NOT BE IN MY FACE MOANING.

Try and find the letter from he dentist with darling daughter’s appointment date; Extract cracked retainers from behind her chest of drawers so she can at least pretend she has worn them. She'd be fekkin dead if I'd had to pay for all that work on her teeth...that she is rotting every weekend with CHERRY LAMBRINI!!!!

Help darling daughter to finish personal statement for uni; One very far away..LOl...no, I REALLY want her to live at home!!

Get the crap that’s been sitting in black bin liners for weeks in the spare room to the dump;

Sort out the cupboard under the stairs and remove the crap that came from the spare room to make room for said bin liners;

Book birthday treat for lovely boyfriend – he wants to go skiing or spend a week in Argentina over New Year;

Have a proper discussion with lovely boyfriend as to what constitutes a treat and how I do not want to go to Argentina for a week;

Buy fabric for baby quilt for nieces impending delivery;

Get sewing machine back off daughters friend so I can start said quilt;

Sort out the internet connection;

Return plug to those nice people at Belkin as they sent the wrong size for the ancient router we have;

Pay Orange dongle bill £117 - feck! No more Great British Bake Off on iPlayer for me!

Look for letter from orange re the bill in the recycling;

Sort out household paperwork, erm, actually look at what I'm putting into the green box....

Find the chunk of flashing that fell off the roof three months ago into the garden;

Check roof is not leaking – actually go into the loft, not just talk about it or stand outside looking up at the roof;

Get the courage up to check how much (little) is in my current account;

Tell ex hub I don’t want him to have his access visits in my house any more and that the kids will go to him instead; So he can mess up his own kitchen and NOT LOAD HIS OWN FEKKIN DISHWASHER.. not that this winds me up at all....hrrrmph. Oh and that they will be there overnight....hmmm! That'll put a halt to his gallop!

Tell kids that they will be going to dads on Tuesdays; Overnight! Wayhey!

Go back to slimming world to try and loose the weight I’ve gained since not going for 4 weeks; The Great British Bake Off HAS NOT HELPED IN ANYWAY HERE.

Sort out new school shoes for daughter;

Tell daughter she is grounded for being so rude to me about said shoes;

Check if there is any change from the £40 I gave darling daughter to buy shoes today;

And it’s only Monday….what’s on your mind??

a day of happiness...and some regrets....

2011-08-26T15:53:00.004+01:00

Today my lovely son turns 12. He is the apple of my eye, the sugar in my coffee, the love of my life...yes all those old chestnuts, but you know what I mean. Today is also my wedding anniversary - I would've been married 16 years today if ex-hub hadn't had a mid life crisis and fecked off 9 years ago.

As I type this my son, his dad, my darling daughter and her boyfriend are messing about in my front room with his new drum kit. As you might have gleaned from earlier blog posts, I can't stand my ex-hub and his lazy ways and am much happier now than when I was married......hmmm....however, I liked being married. I liked that the kids had a mum AND a dad who lived together in the same house. I like being a Mrs. Even thought I didn't like the Mr very much in the end....

As we got ready to leave for the wedding,I remember my dad saying, as we both downed a quick gin before we left the house, that it wasn't too late and that I didn't have to get married.
Maybe he knew that we wouldn't last and that the man I was about to marry would eventually let me down and leave me bereft.....

So zap forwards 16 years and my ex-hub sits in my front room. He has has three, maybe more, relationships since he divorced me. He still lives with his dad, sleeping in his teenage bedroom. I paid him loads of cash to get his name off the house so I didn't have any other ties to him other than the children. God knows what he has done with the cash, clearly not spent to help him properly move on.

I know he regrets the divorce and he too liked being married. Just not to me...He mopes about and now and again the bitterness he feels about the situation he created comes through. Me? I, like millions of women before me, picked myself up off the floor, carried on with caring for the kids, working, paying the morgage and just bloody well got on with life.
I love my life now, and the lovely man who gave me back my sense of self 7 years ago.

So, I do feel sad and I suppose that's ok as I did love him once and the life we had. I just feel anger at him now for what he did and how he destroyed our happy family. And he knows what he did - I don't need to remind him.

Thanks a bundle Mr Osborne, and your Tory toff coalition Lib Dem bastards!!!

2011-01-30T13:24:00.006Z

I am about to be made redundant. I am one of the thousands being sacrificed on the altar of this bloody coalition and their apologists for the bastard bankers. I will have no job on 1st April. I am starting to panic. How will I pay the morgage? Keep 2 teenagers fed, watered and clothed? Continue to shop in Sainsbury's? Keep up the gym membership? Carry on buying nice bits in John Lewis's?

I've always worked. It never even crossed my mind to give up work and sign on as a lone parent when ex-hub buggered off. I've worked full time since I was 17. Nearly 30 years! Maybe I deserve a break? However, it would've been nice to have had a say in when I took a break...and for how long....! In fact I am the type of person this government loves - active in the community, a supportive parent who puts great emphasis on my kids doing well at school, a tax payer and a hard worker! Jeepers Mr O, I'm doing my part of the deal - what about you??

So being Miss Practical, I'm just going to get stuck in and look at what I can do to get myself another job, or at the very least check just what I'm entitled to from the state I've paid into for 30 years and up to now have never claimed anything off.....

I will keep you all posted via the blog....and if you are reading this Mr O.....two fingers to you and all your toff cronies. Grrrrr!

Another year,another strop!

2011-01-02T15:31:00.004Z

So. Another Christmas, another new year. 2010 - gone in the blink of an eye. Time gets faster as you get older my mother used to say....as I rolled my oh-so young eyeballs and wished she'd get her permed head out of my space....

Well zip on 25 years and I see the same expression on my darling daughters face. An expression I could cheerfully smack off said teen's face. However, as a, (yest my cheeks burn red when I use this title) Parenting Professional, I know that this is not the correct response. What is the correct response to a 17 year old lazy bones who spends all of her time on Facebook, BBMing, watching shite on Living TV, while NOT revising for her first AS level exam in January or actually doing anything meaningful?

She had a major strop lasting TWO DAYS when I said that her boyfriend could stay over on NYE, but he had to sleep in her brother's room. OMG. Lots of abuse and 'everyone elses parents allow them to sleep with their boyfriends' at 90 decibels, with tears. My useless ex-hub couldn't see what my problem was (see previous posts..) but 'hey,it's your house so I guess it's your rules'. Too fekking right you useless fecker! (and what did he do with the £30k I gave him to get his name off the house????? - NOTHING! He still live with his dad so he doesn't have a house to have rules in....HARRUMPH.)

I love my children, I do honest, your Honour, but the last two weeks have stretched my coping ability to and indeed beyond it's elastic limit. The final straw came this morning, when after an evening of sulking and general moodiness, my daughter said in that feeble girlie voice which to me is like fingernails down a blackboard, that maybe a haircut might cheer her up. A haircut. A fekkin' HAIRCUT. Now not a Supercuts special, but a full blown Tony and Guy.

This is the child who got Uggs for Christmas, along with over £200 of other stuff, mostly from Topshop. This is the child who does NO CHORES, does not work, or indeed contribute anything into the household, save a big dollop of stress and moodiness.

I know it's my fault - she is a creature created by me and I've let her away with bloody murder. I know I've overcompensated for the divorce and being a working mum, but. purleeeze, give me a break! I was only doing my best, by bloody doing everything and not asking the kids to do anything in return.

I know there are thousands of women out there like me - running around like blue arsed flies, trying to keep every one happy, warm and well fed. I know every year that I say 'no more, this worm has turned..' but it has only rolled over to accommodate another worm who now needs looking after. God! Here's to 2011. I'm now off to hide in the car and read the papers to get out of the sulky ones space. Phone off, R4 on. Only wish I had tinted windows so no-one could see me!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

read dis....looooolllll!

2010-09-03T17:58:00.005+01:00

This is a real conversation between my daughter (who sent 4000 texts in June!!!! - another post re THAT on the way!!) and her pal, chatting about their up-coming A Level interview with the Head of Year......

Ahem....

"Darling Daughter: I’m not looking forward to the sixth form interview tomorrow /:

Boy Pal: inittt wtf do we say haha
Wednesday at 11:03pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: I dunno, but I'm bringing my mum with me tomorrow after she made me feel like the most horrible person on the planet :(
Wednesday at 11:04pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: bring in the reinforcemntss lol i like your thinking :)
Wednesday at 11:05pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: init! My mumma will stand up for me :) after I told her about today, she weren't happy with her at all hahaha
Wednesday at 11:07pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: lol same but they cant really do anyhting now cooz theyve accepted you so. they can stand back and fuck themselves :)
Wednesday at 11:09pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: Yeah, but she made me think I wasn't gunna get in, and I was like "waaaaahhh!" And then she was like "I'll let you in now go" I thought I was gunna collapse in fright hahaha :) what did she say to you??
Wednesday at 11:10pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: she goes im worried bout you coz your name always comes up bla bla and she said she doesnt wsnt me to make her regret accepting me or w,ee and she wants to keep an eye on me :S
Wednesday at 11:12pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal:she's bare scary :/ hahaha
Wednesday at 11:12pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: init :/ she was like I don't know whether to let you in, and all I could see was me lining outside the job centre :S
Wednesday at 11:14pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: loool FUCKKK tht :/ alow job centress mann / for slackerss
Wednesday at 11:14pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: I'm just well scared cause I have her for the interview too :(
Wednesday at 11:19pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal :ahh pissed acc im pisd to i have mrs m :/
Wednesday at 11:19pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter:I like her better though
Wednesday at 11:20pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: yeah but dont like either still hahah
Wednesday at 11:25pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter:I'd like to have miss m actually, she's well nice to me
Wednesday at 11:27pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: hahaha allow both i wanted ms psoo safe x
Wednesday at 11:27pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: I loved her, but she spoke to me like I was stupid cause I was getting D's in science, ahahhaha
Wednesday at 11:29pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: shes sick alow any of the others...what if you had got mr a :O
Wednesday at 11:32pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: I like him too :) old Ms c just made me wanna curl up in a ball and cry this morning hahaha
Wednesday at 11:33pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: hahahahahaahahahahah i was brickin it when i had to see her thos morning :/
Wednesday at 11:35pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: Mmmm, she made me feel so shit, and made me panic, the second I got home I went and cried to my mum hahaha! She said she wasn't sure if she was gunna let me in and I felt physically sick! :/
Wednesday at 11:36pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: YOUR SOOO CUTE :P lol i felt like shit this mornin anywayss and she never helped :/ but lets jus do our best :)
Wednesday at 11:38pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: Shuup! It weren't cute! I felt like the biggest tit on the fucking planet! But yeah I deffo agree, everyone do their best :)
Wednesday at 11:39pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: ‎:) adorable :P looool and yeahh butt i need to properly try hard and not flop :) SOO BAD .. im not gona fuck about at all x
Wednesday at 11:41pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: Shusssh! Same, I was saying to my mum I'm gunna do all my homework the night I get it, I'd just best stick to doing it instead of being distracted by stupid things like my cat and the telly lol
Wednesday at 11:44pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: loooooooooool initt ! i need to do it :/
Wednesday at 11:45pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: I'm gunna try proper hard this year. Time to get focused on school proper!!
Wednesday at 11:46pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: nerded up..neek up as rach so delicatley put it :) lol
Wednesday at 11:47pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: Lol :) what options you taking?
Wednesday at 11:49pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: business..media..politics..ict you? x
Wednesday at 11:50pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: art, english, sociology & classics. Art will be looooong
Wednesday at 11:51pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: loool good subjects tho :)
Wednesday at 11:51pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: snap with yours, :)
Wednesday at 11:53pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: mine ar quite hard tho alow I GOT FORCED IN to media and ict :S
Wednesday at 11:54pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter:Yeah, but ict will be good when you're getting a job or going uni,
Wednesday at 11:56pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal : sposee so yeah..but same with your englishh thts so sick :)
Yesterday at 12:00am · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: I'm proper happy bout english actually. I thought I got like a D cause I panicked in the exam but I got me two B's :)
Yesterday at 12:02am · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: thatsss sickk!
Yesterday at 12:03am · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: Thanks :) politics looks well hard!
Yesterday at 12:03am · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: your tellin me? lol
Yesterday at 12:08am · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: my 11 year old brother knows more about politics than me! : hahaha :)
Yesterday at 12:09am · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal :probably knows miore then mee too lol
Yesterday at 12:10am · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: its quite depressing haha :) he starts yr 7 on friday :)
Yesterday at 12:12am · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: loooooool "

Well. What can I say. No spell check on Facebook, obviously. Looooooolll!!!!

Be Warned - I've been driven to having a Daily Mail Rant

2010-07-20T21:58:00.004+01:00

Well. What a frikkin month I've had. Lots of tedious rubbish at work coupled with mega stresses at home. Work I can deal with - feckless parents and jobsworth colleagues. Easy. What is slightly more tricky is the ex-partner of a good friend taking him to court for a half a million. Yes - half a million pounds, to buy her a bigger house.

Now if he had half a million I wouldn't mind, but he doesn't. At least not in cash. He is a hardworking self employed builder who has put his hard earned cash into property over the last 20 years. Through the ups and downs of the property market. No pension. Just bricks and mortar. All sorted out so that once he has shuffled off this mortal coil, each child gets a property.

Him and his ex had a relationship and two kids were born. They split up before the second child was born. She has waged a campaign of hate and venom against him since the split, resulting in her not allowing any access to the kids. I won't go into the gorey details, but suffice to day she now has a police caution and harassement warning to her name. Classy.

So fast forwards 6 years and my friend is in court, having paid nearly a grand for a brief. She too is in court, having paid nothing for her barrister. He has to declare every nook and cranny of his affairs. She has submitted a page of A4 as she says she has no income.....despite having a workshop in her upstairs bedroom, churning out wedding dresses.... Hmmm. He has paid her maintence and paid his dues via the CSA, but she want more. More! Half a fekkin million more!!!!

She, get this, WANTS HIM TO BUY HER A BIGGER HOUSE. She has a house, with enough bedrooms, but just wants a bigger one. And she has been allowed to pursue this with the help of our very generous legal aid system.

Not fair!!! I rage against this!!! Apart from all the obvious stuff re the kids and access and fairness, what makes my blood boil is that she lets us, the so called sisterhood, down. How brazen is she, working and claiming benefits, rubbing all us hardworking lone mothers' noses in it?

But, and I know this, there are many more like this woman, dishonestly claiming poverty and living off the rest of us.

She has no shame. She has a house, which the state has paid for for the last 10 years. She has a talent, for which she could earn a legitimate wage, but chooses not to.

They are due back in court in October. I'll keep you posted.

Helloooooo!!!!!

2010-06-02T20:50:00.004+01:00

I'm back! Again!!

Well Ican't believe it's been almost two (!) months since I last posted. LOADS to report! A wedding (not mine - purleese, have you not been paying attention!), a very eventful few weeks in work, GCSEs, discovering my ex hub HAS A SECRET FACEBOOK ACCOUNT !!!(immediately jumping to the conclusion that he has a secret identity or at the very least is probably dogging OR swinging, or both....hmm! ), the fights with my daughter over her prom dress - erm , micro-dress/wide belt. Well, when it's written down it looks a bit less,erm, interesting, BUT I've lived it and believe you me it been a rollercoster.

And...my lovely man has practically moved in.....feck! I've now got to listen to R4 ON FEKKIN HEADPHONES in bed so I don't wake him up too early!!! AAAAAAAAAGGGGGH!

Will write more soon! Ciao!

yee har, alone again, almost!

2010-04-11T16:37:00.005+01:00

The children have gone to their fathers for the week. I dropped them off on Friday evening and roared off to a child free week of bliss.....!

Now that might sound a bit harsh, but as much as I love my kids, I love them a bit more when they are away. It is sheer bliss to just sit, and not have to get up to find things, prepare meals, gather washing, load and unload dishwasher. I know that this will sound a bit odd, but my week would be even better if my lovely man was away too. I love him, but he drives me mad. I joked that I should get carers allowance for him - I laughed, he didn't. He likes to know what I'd doing. He pops in for cups of tea at various times during the day. He even wanted me to go on a bike ride with him and his son today! He couldn't understand that I just wanted to be by myself and potter round the house and garden.

Is is such a crime to want to potter round my own house? To do a bit of knitting, sort out my bits of fabric that I might one day make into a quilt? To feck about in the garden, sort out my recycling bins, hang some washing, listen to Poetry Please on R4?

I work full time so very rarely get time to potter. My lovely man does not get pottering. He has to be on the go all the time - it is exhausting....and I feel so guilty!

Am I wasting the day as he sees it? Or am I being sensible, recharging my batteries, helping to hold onto my sanity....or what is left of it?

Anyhoo, I'm making the most of the time I have left to myself today - my lovely man has just texted me, suggesting a walk along the river after tea. Hmmm, is there no escape!?

2010-03-31T20:27:00.003+01:00

I've always been a bit obsessive about food. Calorie counting, measuring the fat content and how many carbs are in food fill my head some days. I am 5 feet 3 and just under 9 stone. I weigh myself every day and feel really stressed if I go over the magic 9 stone mark....

I was never really fat, being 10 stone 2 at my heaviest. I lead a reasonably stressful life, juggling a full time job, two kids, relationship and all the rest of the stuff that goes with being a modern mum. Am I the only one who is like this? I've got a wedding to go to, and a weekend away to Valencia at the end of May and all I can think about is getting to 8 and a half stone in time.

I love to cook and bake like a mad woman some weekends. My fridge and cupboards are full. I spend vast amounts in Sainsburys. I've not had a bacon sarnie or baked potato with butter for God know how long. I manage to hide my obsessions from my family....I think. I am obsessed with food and totally petrified of it and how I can control what goes into my body.

Is this the way a 45 year old woman should be?

Lovely....times past!

2010-03-24T21:32:00.000Z

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dMOk4EQybQ

Yet another list....! Ten of my favourite things.....

2010-03-20T13:44:00.012Z

Thank you Whoopsy Daisy for tagging me.http://toyboxlivingroom.blogspot.com/)

Well....the current ten are....in no particular order, except of course my kids will always come first!!!

My two children. More specifically, the smell of my two children, especially after they get out of the bath. Yum.

Knitting. And making things in general. I learned to knit when I was a small child. My mother was a compulsive knitter and the five of us spent our pre-teen years wearing my mothers creations. One particular hideous creations was a red and grey balaclava that I had to wear to school in the winter. My mother wasted nothing and would unravel the stuff we grew out of to make something else....My mother also like to sew, and again, managed to dress her 5 kids on a very tight budget. My poor older sisters cringe when looking at photos of themselves - wearing, and I kid you not, dresses made out of my mothers old 'A' line skirts. Yes. She just cut two holes in the side and a bit of random non-matching material to make a neckline and inflicted these garments on her two girls. I remember she also made us pinafores out of a big piece of petrol blue leatherette. We went around like three church bells, as the bloody leatherette was tough upholstery grade, for covering chairs. Hmm.

Cooking, or baking more specifically. I popped a choccy cake in the oven just before I started this post. Hmm, smells lovely. And, Betty Crocker frosting - fab, turns a simple sponge into, well, a better sponge. Yum again.

My lovely man, who rescued me after my divorce and gave me back my groove, if ya know what I mean girls....

Charity shops, as in the past 3 months I've bought £500 worth of curtains for less than £40 AND fab Joseph coat for £12.50. Result!!

My job. Hours of entertainment at the expense of the great unwashed. Harsh but true.

Radio 4.....glorious. And the ARCHERS! And Fags, Mags and Bags...hillarious.

How many is this so far? Um, 3 more to go....

My sisters. Fab and great fun. They keep me grounded and bring me back to earth when I get a bit above myself. 'Remember I wiped your arse for a year' is a regular refrain from big sis number 1. And she did - being 10 years older!

John Lewis - more specifically the wool and fabrics bit, with the homewares coming in a closed second. I've spend many happy hours in the Kingston branch. Just touching and feeling the fabrics. Yes weird I know, but I don't care.

And........BLOGGING!! Love it, love reading all the blogs I follow and I love love love when you guys leave comments. However, I could do without the weird Chinese comments. I cut and pasted the one on my most recent post into bable fish and it was pretty rude!! Hugely entertaining though.

So who's next??? Moannie? Auntie Gwen???

Ten things that happened to me this week

2010-02-11T08:58:00.007Z

1. I discovered that my 16 year old daughter had had sex with her boyfriend in my house when I was out.
2. I took one of the mothers from the infants school to an emergency psychiatric outpatient clinic as she was having delusions.
3. I produced a detailed plan on how to improve life for the residents on the local estate where I am based. In an hour.
4. I had my wing mirror kicked off. Feckers.
5. I had my wing mirror fixed. Expensive Feckers.
6. I worked last Friday evening at our local community college youth club. Till 10pm.
7. I worked Saturday at the Dads club that I run, hence being out of the house when 1. occured.
8. I discovered that I am not at all cool with 16 year olds having sex in my house. In fact I am a total stiff about it.
9. I realised that my daughter is a virtual stranger to me and holds me and my views on sex in total contempt. Hard one, that, to get your head round.
10. I realised that having worked a full week and experienced all of the above, I am entitled to tell all and sundry to FECK OFF and leave me alone.

I realise that this is not a particularly exciting list, but believe you me, this is just the tip of a very large iceberg. And it's not even Friday.

ps: My darling son has now gone down with a virus, so I am doing the whole mummy thing AND trying to work from home.....fielding calls about all sorts from work, none of which I can do anything about, stuck here as I am!!!! However, good news is that my ex's dad will have my boy this afternoon, freeing me up to run an arts and crafts session from 3pm for 14 families AND a meeting with the police at 5pm about God knows what - I've totally forgotten and it was ME who called the meeting!!!!!!

I hear the merlot calling, calling, calling.......

pps: my wonderful sister has volunteered to have my daughter for the half term!!! Hurrah! My lovely boy is still at his dads and my lovely boyfriend is away for the night so I AM TOTALLY ALONE. I cannot tell you how wonderful this feels, even if the house is a tip and I've loads of work to catch up on! Just waiting till after The Archers (Phil RIP, boo hoo) to have a glass of merlot. In my PJs!!

Hangover...

2010-01-17T13:05:00.003Z

Well, all started out fine on Friday night. Me and my lovely man arranged to meet our friends for a few beers and a catch up. Had 2 glassses of wine in the first pub - we had to leave as it was too noisy! Definitely over forty!! Trotted along to the next pub where we had over the course of 2 hours, another 4 drinks each.
I was totally pissed and staggered home at midnight. Now, I've been out many nights and had either the same amount or more and not felt as drunk. Why is this? Maybe the wine in the second pub was very strong?

Am I deluding myself and to have 6 drinks over 5 hours is too much?? Anyhoo, I spent all of yesterday either in bed or throwing up! My God, how embarassing is that? I even, to my shame, chucked up as I drove the car home yesterday evening, and again into the newspaper as I waited for a train!!!!

I'm sure I'm on CCTV somewhere and will no doubt star in a cable TV show - 'Women who Hurl in Public - shocking footage from public transport'......!

So, here I am, still slightly green about the gills, feeling a bit foolish. I've also got a very large bruise on my thigh where I fell over taking off my trousers!!!

I have now decided to give up the booze and stick to soft drinks. Watch this (very sober) space!!

Teenagers # 2 and rats under the floorboards

2009-12-14T12:10:00.005Z

My darling daughter was 16 last week. In addition to a birthday meal at Pizza Express - £115, my mother sent her £50 and I gave her £100, along with two Topshop vouchers from my friends for £40....plus a trip to the cinema for 8 friends costing £60 ....
Now, in my book, that seems like a pretty good deal, for a 16 year old.....not in her books I'm afraid.

She was 'annoyed' (!) that she had only £100 to spend from me as she thought it was 'gonna be £200'...now, God spare me, but in my book, she should've been delighted....I spend less on my weekly shop in Tesco for God's sake!!

In addition to the above, several of her friends stayed over on saturday night after the flicks. She had a fit when I insisted that the boys slept downstairs and the girls upstairs. In fact she had a complete strop and hissy fit about this. When, at 1am I asked (!) the kids to settle down and go to sleep, she went mad (quietly - hissing at me through clenched train tracks...) and refused to switch off the video thing in her room.

Holy God, what have I raised? Her behaviour is outrageous - I would never have behaved like this to my mum. Am I such a useless mother that she thinks it's ok to behave like this? Now, there was no drugs, or booze or sex or really bad behaviour at the weekend, but should I be grateful for this and ignore her disrespectful behaviour?

One of her friends mothers rang me before the sleepover to check all was ok and that they we actually going to be at my house. To be honest I was astounded that one of the parents had actually phoned - I do as a matter of course, but to date just one other mum has called me to check the arrangments for a sleepover. Her daugher is as horrible as mine - and I'm ashamed to tell you all but both me and this other mum hid in our wardrobes, doors shut to chat as our darling daughters were on Stasi patrol listening to our conversation!!!

I used to read that teenagers column in the Guardian and think - ha, what a useless lefty liberal mother, unable to manage her kids and allowing them to walk all over her. Hmm, well that smug attitude has come back to bite me on the arse!!

Anyhow, her dad has been great and has agreed with me that she is grounded till Christmas eve.
He is coming over tomorrow night to talk to her (!) and set out some very basic expectations around her behaviour.

I am so depressed about this! I work full time and have another younger child ...God I am so feeble! To be honest I am so pissed off with her I am very afraid that if I loose it with her, I won't be able to stop and it will really end in tears.

I usually try and find the funny side of life, but living with a teenage girl has defeated my funny bone.....

Oh, and to cap all that I've got a rat, and it's (them! eurrrgh!!) scrabbling about under my floor and in the blocked up chimney breast in my kitchen. I've put poison down ( forget humane killing - they are fekkin vermin) and blocked up all the holes.

Hmm,horrible teenagers or scrabbley rats...hard choice really.not sure which is worse!This might send me over the edge....but in the meantime ...bring on the merlot....!

AAAAAAAAAAGH!

2009-11-14T11:02:00.002Z

1. People NOT SIGNALLING AT ROUNDABOUTS!!!!
2. Unmade beds...even if the person says they are letting it air...hmm...
3. People who leave dirty dishes in a basin in the sink and then let it fill with dirty water!!!!
4. Crumbs from the toaster on the worksurface...
5. Spitting in the street!
6. Eating in the street!!!!
7. Children who have to have a drink every 5 minutes when out and about, God forbid they might get de-hydrated!!!
8. People who eat smelly food in a public place LIKE THE BUS and then LEAVE THE WRAPPINGS ON THE SEAT WHEN THEY GET OFF SAID BUS!!!!!!!!!!
9. Reliant Robin drivers who think driving at 20 MPH in rush hour is acceptable.....
10. People who don't rinse the bath after using it.....

You might have guessed that I've had a particularly trying week.

AND I'VE NOW JUST REALISED IT'S RUGBY AT TWICKERS SO ....
11. Fekkin rugger buggers who clog up the roads with their 4x4's and STOP ME GOING ABOUT MY LAWFUL BUSINESS IN THE MIDDLE OF A SATURDAY!!!!!
12. Women of a certain age, who should know better, wearing rugby shirts. Purleese!!

Why women blog....

2009-11-03T08:41:00.007Z

I read India Knight's article in the Sunday times with interest. I consider myself a 'mummy blogger', but whoa, after reading Ms Knight's piece, I feel distinctly unglam and pretty boring!!
I tend to blog randomly about stuff in general that either bugs me or makes me laugh. I've no set pattern or timetable. I also blog in secret.....I'd be mortified if anyone I knew actually read the blog!

I've just registered with this ad thing - you can see them popping up on the blog page. I was curious to see if I could actually earn any money to add to the very empty pot that is my bank account...in fact I'm overdrawn in every account I have AND I owe £600 to the OU. Yikes! Aren't some of the ads pretty mad! Let's see how much rubbish, tat and general bonkersness I'm asked to advertise!!

So the blog really reflects the kind of person I am....random, no planning or structure and failing to make any decent money!!

God spare me from the evil that is smugness....

2009-10-05T19:49:00.006+01:00

I'm very cross. So cross in fact I need to vent to you all. I'm usually a calm and contained person, slow to anger, except in the car and there, to be honest, all decorum flies out the window. To my shame I've even give some poor woman the finger (yes I know! Im bloody 44!!) when she had the temerity to pull out in front of me a tad slowly....

Any hoo. Back to why I'm so cross. Me and my lovely man went to dinner at a friend of his on Saturday night. We had agreed that I'd drive home so wouldn't drink. All fine so far. I'd met this couple only the once before and they seemed ok. Just like us in fact. Hmmmm. Well on Saturday night I realised how bloody tedious people are when drunk and you are very sober. Now my lovely man has a rather , erm, checkered romantic history shall I say. He has 2 ex partners and 3 kids by said partners. One ex is fairly ok, but the other is a bloody psycho. Our hosts on Saturday night have met both ex's, and now me. So far so ...ok...

As they got more sloshed, the questions and remarks about my lovely man's personal life became more pointed and intrusive. He was getting just as sloshed so answered the questions as they came...I think he felt a bit overwhelmed and his guilt about his kids etc always surfaces when he's had a few... Now, me being sober,tried to change the subject a number of times...to no avail. The wife even went so far as asking my lovely man if he had realised how much he had fucked up his life - charming and so subtle!!

So. result? One pissed man, one very sober pissed off woman and two bloody nosey hosts who had their curiosity well and truly sated. The cherry on the cake of that evening was them asking when the big day was for us and should the wife buy a hat any time soon!! I nearly fekkin said 'buy one and I'll shove it sunshine,' but I didn't. They wouldn't have remembered anyway next morning.

So, what I'm really cross about is why some people are so nosey and so keen to pass judgement and tell you what THEY think about how you live your life. I suppose this couple, who've been married 25 years are what good old Bridget Jones would've called Smug Married. They mugged my lovely man at the dinnertable and he foolishly, gave in to them. I'm no saint, but I would NEVER probe so deeply or personally just to get a vicarious thrill out of anothers 'misfortune'...hmmmm.

So, I'll be giving this couple a very wide bearth in future. Divorce, death,poor health I can cope with. Smugness and crass insensitivity...ugh, God spare me that.

12 random things

2009-07-22T20:47:00.005+01:00

1. I am 44 and a size 8-10.
2. My hair is dyed, but naturally curly...I have never had a perm...unlike my poker-haired sisters.
3. My ex husband divorced me for unreasonable behaviour....I thought he was a BASTARD at the time, but, he was probably right in retrospect. I was a terrible wife.
4. Sex is a zillion times better in your 40s. Especially with a man who is not your husband (or any one elses in case you were wondering...)
5. Red wine IS a vitamin.
6. I should've married for money, not love.
7. I just want to stay at home and be a full time mummy and have a clean and tidy home.
8. I am terrible with money, hence cannot afford to be 7 above.
9. However, if I had done 6, then I probably could've been a 7..
10. I am the tallest female in my family and I'm 5'4".
11.I love lists.
12. The keeping of guinea pigs and 3 legged cats should be a criminal offence.

Romance?

2009-07-05T15:19:00.003+01:00

Lying in bed this morning with my lovely man, I asked him to say something romantic and nice about me that he liked. "You don't have a fat arse", was his considered reply. Now, I know I don't have a fat bottom, being 5 foot 4 and 8 and a half stone....so I asked him again. He looked at me as if I was mad - " Wasn't that nice enough?". Not really, I said. "What about something a bit more, erm, positive?" Like what? Well, like you have lovely bum. "That's what I said " he replied now sounding exasperated. Hmm. I decided to leave this topic as it would eventually lead to me in a big moody snit and him even more exasperated and cross. Lesson learned? Don't ask for an ego boost from a man who thinks saying you don't have a fat arse is being romantic.

Regrets, I've had a few.....

2009-06-22T12:19:00.010+01:00

As you might have gleaned reading past blog posts, I have a reasonably good relationship with ex-hub. We separated in 2002 after 12 years and 2 kids together....so lots of history and shared memories. Our realtionship,post divorce, improved once we realised that we loved our kids more than we hated each other...

On Fathers day, we all went out to the local curry house for a very civilised meal. It was lovely. He paid and the kids behaved themselves. I was surprised when he suggested going out, as he usually avoids any kind of 'family' time with me. I don't think he has ever gotten over the fact that he no longer lives with his children. It makes me sad and I sometimes think about what would've happened if we both had tried harder and been kinder to each other. Don't get me wrong, I am much happier now that I was before, but I'm not sure the kids really are and if ex-hub really is either. I suppose that makes me very selfish, and I would change things if I could. However, I no longer love him and I am truly in love with my lovely boyfriend. Ex hub is very much in love with his girlfriend, who is lovely and is very good for him. So it's not about me and him, but about our kids and the impact divorce and separation has on them, and the absent parent. Me and ex-hub have managed to re-build our emotional life, but I'm not sure that our kids ever will.

I look at the likes of Katie and Peter, and how their realtionship meltdown is being played out in the very unforgiving glare of the tabloid press. We all do things we regret during a divorce - mostly in private and between the 2 people involved usually. I am so glad that my kids will never see the horrible texts and e mails or hear the shitty phone messages we left for each other as our marriage imploded. All those kids have to do is google 'Jordan divorce' and there it is for them to see - their parents at their worst.

I come from a culture that believed that marriage was for life, however terrible it was. Marital infidelity was rife, but swept under the carpet. Divorce was taboo. Maybe it was my was of rebelling against that culture that made me go for the divorce? Who knows. All I do know is that we get one life and we must make the most of it. Life truly is too short to hold a grudge or hate an ex-partner.

Teenagers, shopping,heroic self control and ex-hubs family

2009-04-18T21:42:00.001+01:00

Another weekend spent hacking away at the coalface that is family life. A simple shopping trip turned into the usual nightmare. We started out civil enough. Got the bus ok (sort of..see below...), got off the bus ok, had lunch ok....and then PRIMARK. Stuff everywhere. People, mostly large with stupid hats or hair or earrings, everywhere. Stupid people with buggies, in which nestled toddlers eating chips/crisps/sausage rolls. Added to this, my 15 year old in a major strop, because I wouldn't spend £25 on 6 inches of parachute silk, masquerading as a skirt, in Topshop. May God forgive you Kate Moss.

I thought that having suggested a day out shopping, my daughter would at least take the teenage sneer off her face long enough to say, 'ooh yes mummy, that would be lovely!!' Instead, I got a grunt and then an hour long, low level whinge about how crap her life is having a mother who wants to go shopping on public transport. ' I mean, dur!! How gay are you mum!! The BUS! I'm not a CHAV you know!!' Instead of smacking that sneer off her face, I took my sainted mother's advice and offered it up to the holy spirit. Heroic self control. She hissed at me, eyes like slits, that her bad mood was because she was about to 'come on' and OMG MUM, I NEARLY DIE OF PAIN EVERY MONTH. IT'S NOT CALLED THE CURSE FOR NOTHING!!SOB.. I was slightly hormonal myself...but hey! Who cares! Not her! She thinks I am far too old for a period and I should just do the decent thing, and have the menopause,' cos mum, you know , it's a bit disgusting you being on at your age' (43..) Deep breaths,large merlot....sit on your hands so you don't WRAP THEM ROUND HER THROAT. Grrrrrrrrrrr..

In the end, we had a reasonable day - we even came back home on the same bus - a major success. The stress involved in raising a teenager really gets me down. I know it is a cliche but I would never have been as rude to my mother as my daughter is to me. Downright rude in fact. Her response to me not allowing her to go to a mixed sleepover was to call me ' A FREAK OF NATURE!!!!!' Her capitals and exclaimation marks. Some days, I really cannot face going home. I am not sure quite what mood she will be in, whether it will be all sweetness and light or a Linda Blair special. Or a mix of the two. 'Your mother sucks prozac in Asda' .....hmmm.

The shopping trip was to buy my darling daughter a frock for her Confirmation. Now that whole Confirmation thing requires a posting all to itself - all I'll say at this stage is that we had a party where my ex hubs family came en-masse - think extras in the Sopranos, but not in a good way.... I felt slightly out numbered as it was just me, my sister and lovely boyfriend on my side. Both my ex-hub and lovely boyfriend spent the evening with their stomachs pulled in and chests puffed out. I could almost taste the testosterone. They circled round each other, chatting (!) politely, trying to out 'bloke' each other, both obviously thinking 'wanker' as they chatted through gritted teeth. Hillarious! I surpassed my self in my utter loveliness and chatted merrily away to the WAGs of ex hubs cousins...as they all got sozzled on white wine, while their various offspring caused havoc, and I stayed annoyingly sober, being the deignated driver. Smug, moi?

I love my daughter dearly and I know in my heart that this will pass and my lovely girl will re-appear. However, until that happens, I am battening down those metaphorical hatches and hitting the merlot....pray for me Mother...

I'm back!

2009-03-28T11:42:00.001Z

Hello all. I've not blogged for a while as I've been very busy. Busy doing what exactly it's hard to say, but working full time, 'parenting' a very tricky teen (i.e NOT killing her when she rolls her eyes at me for the zillionth time..), doing a part-time (!) degree with the OU and keeping various small animals alive seem to have taken up all my time. I've also managed to get trapped into agreeing to sit on the summer fete committee again. Holy God in Heaven...how the feck did this happen again I hear myself scream ...(Edvard Munch anyone?)... I think I'm still suffering from PTSD from the coconut episode at last years fete, never mind the grotto/police/santa incident the year before....

The chair of the committee has suggested, truly, that we book a circus. A CIRCUS. Now, in my humble opinion, a school fete usually involves a raffle, dodgy burgers, a nun/priest (catholic school remember), various stalls selling crap, teachers getting pissed and a crackly tannoy. No live animals, certainly not lions or tigers, or women in spangly leotards hanging from a trapeeze.
The next committee meeting is on Wednesday - I shall keep you posted.

Other news. My ex-husband has just split from his girlfriend and is now spending a lot of time in my, I repeat MY house. I thought the whole point of divorce was that you saw less of each other? And maybe I was wrong, but paying him 30K to get his name off the deeds was my way so saying FECK OFF NOW.... hmm. Maybe this will tip me over the edge.... I am quite sad as I really liked his girlfriend, she was funny and interesting, and she had cankles, so I always felt good standing next to her (meow - I know,I know...)

Get this - how far has the modern family come - he has given his ex girlfriend (her) his ex-wife's (me) mobile number so we, not him, can organise contact for her kids (not his) and my kids (his) to keep in touch. Hmm. Again, I'll keep you posted.

10 THINGS TO MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON...

2009-01-04T17:40:00.000Z

1. Stop swearing in the car.
2. Stop shouting at other drivers.
3. Say something nice to at least one person per day, and actually mean it.
4. Stop shreiking about stuff like the state of the house/guinea pigs/bedrooms/garden as I walk through the door from work.
5. Greet my kids and ask them how their day as been, instead of shouting about what they heck they've been doing since coming home from school and why they've eaten all the biscuits/crisps/nice yoghurts.
6. Keep control of my eyebrows.
7. Have more sex.
8. Take up Pilates. Or something. Not just talk about it.
9. Make curtains. Fully lined. And hang them up, properly.
10. Chill out and stop stressing about points 1-9.

A different Christmas...

2008-12-22T09:39:00.000Z

Well. The kids went to their dads on Friday. Being grown-ups and very mature...ahem, we split the holidays in two. One week with dad and one with me. Last year I had the kids for Christmas day, and he had them for new year. This year, its me for new years and him for Christmas. On the face of it, this is a sensible way to ensure that the kids get a share of both parents, fairly and without feeling torn. Intellectually, I get it. Emotionally I am a wreck on Christmas eve and into Christmas day. I miss my children terribly. I feel lost and unanchored, cut adrift. A mother, without a child to mother. I will see them for a couple of hours on Christmas day - my ex lives a short drive away and like me, shares his time with the children without complaint.

I am blessed in so many ways - health and a heavily mortgaged roof over my head. My kids are fit and well and, so far, well balanced. But there is an ache in my heart when I wake up without them. I cannot imagine what it must be like to loose a child.

So as I wander round my house on Thursday I will give myself a stern talking to and say a prayer for the McCanns and all those other parents who are without their children this year. I will jump in the car, whizz over to the ex's house and rejoice in the knowledge that my children are safe, happy and well. I'll bury my face in my son's mop of blonde curls and smell his wonderful, 9 year old smell - a mix of baby shampoo and newly discovered hair gel.... and I'll embrace my beautiful 15 year old daughter and marvel that this beautiful creature was once part of me, and at some angles, looks just like me, albeit taller, better groomed ....and far more sophisticated at 15 than I ever was.

I will raise a glass with my ex, our eyes will meet and we will silently rejoice in our children and thank god for their existence. The pain and anguish of the divorce is forgotten in that moment as we celebrate these two amazing creatures that we created. Then I'll jump back in to the car, and roar off to the pub, where I'll share a festive glass or 3 with the man I love, who rescued me after my divorce, and head home to doze with him in front of the telly and indulge in , not turkey and all the trimmings...but olives, dark chocolate and chilled fizz ....heaven!

2008-11-25T21:11:00.000Z

Ok. The Halloween disco didn't happen for all sorts of reasons....mostly me, being the chair, not organising the bloody thing in time. So we are 2 months into the school year and around £500 down on our cash raising target. God, Catholic schools...no wonder the Church is a global force...hmm. On a positive note, I've finally given up the chairs position....someone actually volunteered to take on the mantle! Hillarious - I gave in gracefully and mentally legged it out the door. However,I have, against my better judgement, agreed to stay on as a year 5 parent rep. The new chair is quite mad and desperate to (and I quote...) "TRAILBLAZE NEW FUNDING AVENUES!!" Her capitalisation, my exclaimation marks.....ooh, lots of future blog posts here I feel....!

We had our first committee meeting tonight. How can 6 adults spend over an hour arguing over charging £2.50 or (HORRORS!!! )£3 for a visit to Santa and a free photo? We finally agreed on £2.50. Sheesh!

I have volunteered to be a little helper for the grotto. Bouncer more like as it's the junior disco - morbidly obese 10 year old boys grappling with our Santa over the present barrel (yes this did happen last year, ended when the local copper who had come to judge the disco stepped in and threatened to arrest us all, including Santa....). Hey ho!

Baby P - Shame on you Haringey

2008-11-12T11:10:00.000Z

It's happened again. Another child has lost it life in a cruel and horrible way. We've had the usual handwringing from the top brass in the borough - shame on you Harringey, how could you let this happen again?

Being a fairly normal person, I assumed that most people will behave decently and those who do not, will have their behaviour curtailed by society. How wrong I was! How can it be that we allow a 17 month old child to die in the most awful circumstances, despite being on the child protection register? How can a doctor not spot a broken spine? How can hightly educated professionals not spot that the child's bruses disappeared when he was apart from his mum for a month, but, hey presto, reappeared when he was returned home? How can 3 adults be so sadistic as to allow this child to be bitten by a dog or to swallow its own tooth or have its top lip torn away from its 17 month old face? Where were the neighbours, the decent local coppers, the health visitors, the staff at social services, the other adults in this childs life when he needed them most?

What is most shaming is that it appears that all the work done since the terrible death of Victoria Climbie has not prevented this latest death. How must her parents be feeling?

I hope that Haringey will not squirm out of this one and that heads will roll. Otherwise what will be the legacy of this particular childs death, except corporate handwringing and a few formal warnings?

Sunday Blues!

2008-11-09T16:34:00.000Z

I hate Sunday evenings. Particularly November ones. I love Friday afternoons...hmm...what does this tell me? I need to get my work life balance right....My problem is that I give my all to the job and I then have very little left for me, or to my shame, the children. Another wasted weekend when I could've sorted out the house ! Hence the feeling of failure and wasted opportunities on Sunday night! Another week of household chaos!

When I started this blog it was to get me going and keep me focussed on having more fun in my life. Well, passing my driving test helped enormously - have been driving on my own - the most scary, liberating thing I have ever done! The job I do is interesting, challenging and great fun....but I've not yet found a way to keep a bit of me separate if you know what I mean. The house is a tip, the fridge a health hazard and I can't even beging to tackle upstairs...never mind the pile of ironing that keeps growing. Any suggestions? How do all of you bloggers keep on top of your life? Do you? I am a great procrastinator, always have been, why not put off to next year what you could do today...hmm. So I'm writing this instead of tidying up or getting the kids supper. Help!!

I passed!!!!

2008-10-20T20:23:00.000+01:00

I have passed my driving test. I have actually passed. I HAVE PASSED MY DRIVING TEST!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot tell you how happy I am. I squeaked with happiness and hugged the examiner with joy!

I never expected to be a 'proper driver' ever. I spent the last 15 years avoiding any conversations around motorway routes, cars, driving in general as I was so ashamed of not being a driver. I have had years of guilt about what my kids have missed out on, all the non visits to the parks, all the non trips to my family in the shires... never mind all the missed IKEA opportunities. However, it has become fashionable not to drive, being the green thing to do, so things did get slightly easier, as, thanks to the modern curriculum, my son regards driving and the car next to mortal sin and the devil ( Catholic education).

Oh the guilt!! How did I allow myself to get to 43 and NOT BE ABLE TO DRIVE?? Can I really blame my lack of a licence on crap instructors, lack of funds, lack of confidence, a low tedium threshold and fear. Not really...just didn't get my arse in gear until now...

So this morning I was very nervous. Up at 7am for a lesson and then the test at 8.10. Several squirts of rescue remedy (would it send me over the limit ?) However, my lovely instructor told me not to worry," it was only (!) £60 and who cares what a wanker in a yellow jacket thinks"...!
" I DO" I wailed!

Well, the test itself went without a hitch. I did the one and only perfect parallel park I will ever do, and the 3 point turn in 5. Relief, engines off and well done.

Now, instead of spending all my time on property auction sites I am now trawling fish4cars, looking for my dream car for under £500...

A child called Rampton....

2008-10-05T17:52:00.001+01:00

Just been to Aldi (Waitrose is but a dim memory..) and heard the funniest thing. An obviously stressed young mum was at the checkout with her son who was about 4 or so....he was getting fractious and he ran off. Without looking left or right, she screeched 'RAMPTON COME BACK'. Now, as used to stupid childrens' names as I am, working where I do, Rampton has taken the biscuit. Rampton, I thought was a high security mental hospital., NOT a name for a small child. Maybe, like Brooklyn Beckham, his parents wanted to celebrate where he was conceived.. Lets hope not. Yikes!

ASBOs and Botox....a heady mix...

2008-10-04T21:38:00.000+01:00

My week gets weirder. Just before going into a meeting on Thursday about an ASBO with the police I popped to the loo. I can no longer leave it more than 45 minutes between each visit, even less if I've had a cup of tea... Anyhoo, the loo was the usual local authority model, slightly grubby, a bit whiffy with a couple of wavy mirrors and a 500 watt bulb. All combining to make you look like Grayson Perry on a bad day. As I applied some lippy, a blond woman came out of the cubicle and started to wash her hands. We started chatting as you do and within 30 seconds she had confessed to using botox, having an eye lift and getting her boobs done. Too much information! She also confessed to being in her late 40's (!). I must've looked aghast as she then said that the botox hadn't agreed with her and had only lasted 3 weeks. I didn't ask about the boobs or her eyes as to be honest she looked completely mad. Her hair on closer inspection was bleached and resembled candy floss and her hands were, well, like claws. She asked if I'd had anything done (bloody cheek) and I said that I coloured my hair and waxed my eyebrows. She then said that I really should think about it as it had transformed her life! Eeeek! What the heck had she looked like before? I was rescued by my PC friend hollering 'ASBO!' throught the door.

So into the meeting. The discussion was centered on a very troubled teen who has just about stretched everyones patience to the limit. Usual story , troubled family, broken home etc etc. She had been arrested for several incidences of criminal damage, assault, racist taunting and general all round pain in the arseness. She can be lovely. She has a bright future in sport as she is a talented runner. She is a great cook. She is also a bloody nightmare and has absolutely no respect for authority, or empathy for any of the victims of her behaviour. So, time to act. This girl has had hours and hours of my time, never mind all the other agencies involved with her. A waste of time? Maybe. But you cannot allow a teenager to hold a community to ransom with her behaviour or continue to act in a way that will end in prison for her, at best. So hence the ASBO. Lets see what happens....

Hmm, botox? Had a closer look at myself in that mirror and thought yes, something needs to be done.! Went home and slathered on that cream from Boots and booked an eyebrow wax....

How very odd...

2008-09-30T23:14:00.000+01:00

Had a very odd encounter this evening. I was preparing supper, credit crunch sausage and mash, when there was an almight banging on the front door. Now where we live in the 'burbs of west london, almost no-one calls without telephoning first..so I knew that it was either the emergency services, police raid on the shifty lad next door or some other n'er do well. Upon opening the door, with the kids tucked behind me, I was confronted by a young Gomez Addams. 'Sorry missus' he lisped (yes he actually had a lisp). 'Me 'n me mum need to get to Chertsey Ospital as me girlfriend, who lives at number 37 (vaguely waving in the wrong direction) was taken in quick an we 'ave no money to get there'. 'Excuse me?' I said, to which he repeated his need for funds to get to to the aformentioned hospital. 'Just three quid each for me 'n me mum for a bus pass, as it's better value (!)'. ' I've asked him next door, as he knows me, and he's got no change'. At this point I had come out onto the front step and he started to back away. I must've adopted my 'don't mess with me, I've heard it all before you scamming bastard' face that got me through several years in the Personal Issue Giro section of several inner London benefit offices. I said 'I don't believe you? Where is your mother?' He then ran off. Bizarre. I contemplated phoning the Safer Neighbourhood Team, but what could I say? That I was almost scammed by a young Gomez Addams? That I refused help to a thrifty lad who needed to see his girlfriend? That I imagined it due to sausage 'n mash overload? Hey ho. And the kids didn't bat an eyelid between them. London life eh.

Someone stop that woman...

2008-09-16T22:04:00.000+01:00

I have done it again. Or rather not done it. Resign. Resign as chair of the PTA. I promised myself whilst wrestling a coconut from the sticky hands of a small child (thus preventing coconut GBH ) at the fete that I WOULD RESIGN or at the very least not stand for re-election. But her I am up to my armpits in preparations for not just the AGM, but a sodding fancy dress disco. Not a Halloween party, but a fancy dress....ghosts and ghoulies being frowned upon by the head, it being a catholic school 'n all...Although, I can guarantee at least half a dozen Freddie Krugers and that 'Scream' character just from the infants alone...! I will be going as my usual - a witch. It's the only time of the year that a pointy chin and long nose come into their own...!

The only consolation is that the two horrible REAL witches who made my life a misery last year have moved on ...to terrorise the senior school PTA no doubt. They were two of the most spectacularly stupid women I've had the ,erm, pleasure to meet. Bullies really. And, EVERYONE felt the same, except that they were too afraid to say..incredible!

So along with my full time job, addiction to the blogosphere, kids, darling daughter's GCSE prep,managing ex-hub and trying to keep my relationship on the straight and narrow with my lovely boyfriend, I have a whole new committee year to look forward to....Yay! Bring it on!! hmmmm.....

summer fun....

2008-08-26T19:50:00.001+01:00

Well, I have been very busy of late. Too busy to blog, but not too busy to have a good old nosey around the 'blogosphere' or whatever 18 year old spotty googly tycoon calls it...lots of fab stuff out there, really inspirational..!

Anyhoo, apart from trench foot and the remnants of a fake tan, I have very little to show for this summer...I didn't go away or take any time off. I am bloody knackered. I spent the summer working on the estate delivering 'summer activities' to a largely disinterested group of people. Apart from 2 notable exceptions (worthy of a posting all to themselves) the families just didn't engage..I've come to the conclusion that there was just too much on offer and this meant that decisions had to be made and these families cannot cope with this - they are used to someone else making the decision for them, so remain passive and inactive....plus the weather didn't help.

One particular day is worth reporting. We took a group of 12 kids to a local prison as part of a crime diversion programme. Facinating. They had broken a seatbelt before we had even left the estate. One (almost tootless) 15 yearold spent the entire journey chomping through tube after tube of chewits. The noise level in the bus was almost unbearable and broke several EU directives on decibel limits I'm sure. Their behaviour was atrocious. Once inside the prison, they became even more excitable. All saw the trip an opportunity to show how tough and unafraid they were...until we met the prisioners who were our 'hosts' for the day.

All were male, middle aged and very sad. Two were lifers, one was just 25 and all had kids on the outside. The were nice blokes, literate, articulate, someone you would not think was involved in criminality in any way if you met them in the street. They went to great lengths to tell their stories to these kids. They explained that there was no such thing as petty crime - crime was crime. They told of their daily feeling of loss and loneliness and how prison had affected their families. They were ashamed and were remourseful. They were inspirational and I wish I could take every youngster who carries a knife or runs drugs or commits criminal damage to see just what happens to kids who get caught up in crime.

Did the visit have an impact on the kids from the estate? Three older boys were very affected and visibly moved. You could see the penny dropping right there in that room. The rest of the kids? I couldn't really say - except that we had to stop the mini bus three times on the way back to deal with their behaviour including throwing out the broken seatbelt thorough the window at 50 miles and hour. Some kids just don't get it.

2008-08-22T20:35:00.001+01:00

Strange day. Drinking wine and eating crisps as I write this and consider my day. Radio 4 on, Bob Crow burbling on about oli company profits...

So, my day. Started off well with lovely boyfriend, buttery toast and lots of TLC...decided to work from home as I'd left the bike at his. Drank lots of vino last night so was feeling a bit fragile. Not having the kids with me leaves me slightly adrift and a bit of a social gadfly hence the increased booze intake. Spent the morning sorting out a referral to the local anti social behaviour group for a young boy who is terrorising the estate I'm working on. He is 12. I've know him 2 years and he just gets angrier and angrier. He is a big lad. He smokes. He rides a pimped up BMX. He walks as if he has a sawn off shotgun down the leg of his trousers. He is a charmer and at primary school, loved to dance and play rugby. He managed 4 months in secondary school before he was permenantly excluded. He has been arrested for criminal danage and GBH in the last 2 weeks alone. I decided last week that enough was enough. Zero tolerance time. This boy is out of control. His parents are not doing their job. He is almost as big as me and definitely stronger. He is potential nightmare, hence the referral...ASBO on the horizion I think....

Had a hillarious conversation with the arresting officer, a 50 something female PC with wry sense of humour. She is due to police the Notting Hill carnival on Monday and being a lady of a certain age (her words) would wear a Tena pad, to allow for lack of toilet facilities...too much information, but nice to think a small part of my council tax goes on incontinence pads for coppers...

The evening was spent with ex-hub and kids in a noodle bar. Very strange. Ex hub suggested I join them and even paid the bill. He was charming. The kids loved it. My 15 year old has accepted the divorce, but self harmed for a period and had counselling...my 9 year old has never accepted the divorce and simply refuses to accept the we are no longer man and wife despite the fact that we've both moved on and have new partners. What do we do? I'm all for letting sleeping dogs lie - neither me or his father will be scooting up the aisle any time soon unless those pigs finally sprout wings....or Ireland wins gold at the Olympics.

Enough of my ramblings. Another glass of vino and Police, Camera, Action on freeview.

2008-08-21T16:29:00.000+01:00

As you know, I go to the pub with my lovely boyfriend every Wednesday night for a late drink...we usually rendezvous around half tenish and have time of a couple of beers, talk rubbish ...and we observe our fellow drinkers...

We are what I suppose you could call 'regulars' ...having spent most Wednesday nights there for the last 4 years. There are several other regulars too. John, 84, gay, but in denial. Drinks 5 pints of directors in about 90 minutes and staggers out to get the last bus home. Is almost blind, a bit deaf and quite barmy. He hails from Cork, but has lived in the UK for nearly 60 years. Ex merchant navy and was a psychiatric nurse till he retired. He believes in a wizard conspiracy and is convinced that the masons are everywhere. Not a man to get into a conversation with if you are in any way stressed, tired or prone to funny handshakes. He follows the Simon Cowell school of trouser wearing.

Paul in another gay irish man, a generation younger and very different. He had his teeth veneered so that his partners could appreciate it a bit more as he gave them head - a comment he made to my very hetero boyfriend almost resulting in him loosing said veneers...too much information. Paul is a poperty developer with an entire workforce of young east european men. All very heterosexual, but all looking like the guys from The Village People. Shaven heads, masses of facial hair, chest wigs, checked shirts. Strange how the different cultures display their masculinity. Paul comes in at 10.48, orders, I kid you not, 4 double vodkas and redbull, once large bottle of Polish beer and a pint of lager. He drinks the lot and is out the door for another pub by 11.30. How he is not dead I really don't know.

A recent blow-in is a middle aged bloke we call the rhodesian ridgeback for some unfathomable reason. He spends the eveing talking to himself, very discreetly mind, at the bar. Nobody interferes or says a thing. He is allowed to be himself without condemnation or scorn. We are deadly curious about him, but avoid eye contact in case he engages us in conversation. We fear being trapped in a situation we would be too polite to get out of - remember we only have 30 minutes... We let him get on with it.

However, and this is where the pub get interesting...there are a vast number of people who drink there just once and never come back. Odd bods, mad builders, tinker types, very pissed middle aged women and welsh rugby supporters. I long to ask them what their story is and why here, why now, where next?

I love going to this pub. A pub like this is a great leveller. As long as you don't get too pissed or too loud and treat the staff, fellow drinkers and the bar with respect, anything goes. And for £4.09 for a pint and a glass of vino and 30minutes people watching, good value all round.

2008-08-20T21:24:00.000+01:00

I've cheered up somewhat following my rather gloomy posting below....amazing what a bath, clearing a pile of ironing and some icecream and tinned peaches does for the psyche! Am off to the pub soon so will feel even more cheered up by 11pm...although the pub has no late licence we go there as it is the cheapest boozer in town...god bless you Mr Wetherspoon...£4.09 for a glass of merlot and a pint of abbots...bliss! Thank you Scrappy Sue and Emerging Writer....good advice...

It has made me think though, about the best way to deal with bouts of gloominess...being active seems to work, particulary doing something pretty mindless, but tricky if you know what I mean, like ironing. Plus, hearing about the plance crash in Madrid has very neatly put my low mood into sharp perspective....hmmm.

2008-08-20T11:36:00.000+01:00

Have not been blogging of late as I've been feeling quite depressed. 'Down in the dumps' my mother would call it. She'd tell me to buck up, count my blessings and have another cup of tea. Pretty good advice generally, but this bout of the dumps has been a bit more of a challenge to get through. Not sure what triggered it off really, possibly something to do with overworking, trying to juggle (non-existant) childcare and having no money. Actually having minus money as I'm overdrawn and morgaged up to my middle aged neck.
How did I get here? When I started this blog I thought having to report on my quest for fun would make me seek out that fun. Well, that hasn't happened. My children are a joy, my ex hub managable and I'm in a relationship. So what's there to feel down about? I suppose that getting to 43 without any major trauma, apart from a divoce, is something to celebrate. Is it about feeling that my best years are behind me? Or that I'll be a morgage slave till I'm knocking 70? Or that I have finally realised that the life my mother lived - didn't work, stayed at home, looked after her family, wasn't such a bad life after all? I earn a reasonable 40k per annum, doing a job I like, with people I like. I think I'm just a bit lonely - all of my current friends are work friends and I've lost touch with lots of my old friends.
I have come to the conclusion that I've been very careless with my friendships. Mostly to do with self confidence and the belief that I'm not a particulary interesting person so why bother keeping in touch with anyone...bonkers, but true. I look at my daughter as she forms her important, life long friendships and I envy her - why didn't I recognise the value of friendship so long ago? Why did I allow my lack of confidence and low self esteem sabotage these friendships? I have always put the men in my life before my friends and this has not served me well. Not surprised they got fed up with me and moved on to other more reciprocal friendships.
Every day I tell my children how beautiful they are and how much they are loved so they will never fell that lack of value or importance that I felt as a young kid. My mother would be horrified if she read this - as far as she, and many from her generation who lived through the war, as long as your children were fed, clean and obedient all was well within the family. No room or need for any fancy stuff like telling your kids they are wonderful..
The impact we as parents have on our children has such a huge impact on the adults they might become - hence the need to tell these future adults how valued they are.

A gloomy post I know, but one that I feel I have to write...however having re-read it, I know that my mother did her best and anyway, we all need to take responsbility for our actions - so I'm telling myself to get a grip, grow up and after that cup of tea, get back on track for my quest - MORE FUN PLEASE!

2008-07-29T00:50:00.000+01:00

It's 12.53 am. Radio 4 burbles in the background. Darling son fast asleep, all hot and sweaty, gripping onto Ted, his lifejacket in the stormy sea that is sleep...Neither me not Teenage daughter can settle to sleep ... She pondering, I imagine, the reasons for her grounding....(more likely watching BB103)...Me frantically wodnering where it all went wrong..

She's been grounded for 'misuse of IT' (her fathers words). Getting a boy to strip on webcam via MSN (my words). Reader, I was speachless when I stumbled upon this piece of information. She is 14. He not much older. How has it come to this? She goes to the best school in the town (catholic..)..and, well, is 14 BLOODY YEARS OF AGE!! I am horrified at her blase attitude to this 'incident'. She should be MORTIFIED, as I would have been...but as I was a 70's teenager this never would've happened. Telex was about as hight tec as it got...Is it me or has the world gone mad? Sex is EVERYWHERE. There is very little that they know at 14 - I truly didn't know what the initials BJ stood for, let alone imagined doing 'that' eurrrgh!? Tits and arses abound. Even M &S have gone raunchy. I never thought I'd say this, but bring back some kind of decorum please! Put them away love, we really don't want them in our face thanks very much.

2008-07-22T23:03:00.001+01:00

The summer fete has come and gone, and with it the last of my goodwill towards all men...and the mummy mafia. NEVER AGAIN. How did it come to this? Sorting bric a brac (a mountain of china shite) at 8pm on a Saturday night in a school hall ? Grappling with several gazebos at 9am on Sunday morning, all of which had some tiny, but essential, bit missing? Almost coming to blows over a chocolate fountain? Finding out that people actually WON THE COCONUT on the coconut shy. Sending a heavily pregnant friend to the local indian emporium to buy 30 coconuts. Yes, 30 COCONUTS. Sending a small child into a hedge to look for the balls from the coconut shy as we (!) had forgotten to put up the big huge unmissible MDF sheet against said hedge to avoid such a catastrophie. Pissing off 30 people who paid a quid for a tombola ticket in the hope of winning the booze and coming away with a coconut....I could go on, but I won't as I am boring myself, never mind you dear reader.....

My quest for fun,however briefly interruped by the sodding fete, goes on...

2008-07-12T10:43:00.000+01:00

Fun. 'Something that provides mirth or amusement'. ... Fun I have had this week - hmm, not very much. Can you class your ex hub forgetting present for his new girlie (trendy top - had a look in the bag - Muji as it happens..) as fun? Well I had 2 minutes pleasure then 15 minutes fuming at how much he spent on the top, then remembered that it didn't matter and that girlfriend is actually quite nice and felt happy again...
Spent all day yesterday on the housing estate where I work ...hosting the 'Food from around the world' stall at the annual 'fun' day. Fun -it's EVERYWHERE if you choose to look. The residents of this particulr estate get hours of fun from drinking Lambrini, smoking Superkings and generally ignoring their many offspring. All of whom come to school stinking of fags and with a cheese string and a couple of jaffa cakes in their lunchboxes...I kid you not. Spend a chilly (July!) 5 hours watching well meaning staff and local church members tryng to engage local, disinterested people - the kids were great - got stuck in and had a great time with the bouncy boxing and sumo wrestling...while their parents drank the stuff they'd won on the tombola and spent some of their giro money on the horrible burgers....it is like Shameless without the Manc accents or the happy endings. Grinding poverty and boredom relived by a bottle of booze for the price of a raffle ticket. Do I sound judgemental? Yes I bloody do - ask any professional who has spent time amongst the class serviced by the services - police, social, welfare and courts...and they will tell the same story. Poor people having too many kids on too few resources. Free housing, free milk, free anything begats freeloaders. Harsh but true. 'Too late for the parents, but maybe we can save the kids'...this is the basis of the govts child poverty strategy...worthy, but ultimately pointless. It's too late for these kids even before they are concieved.

2008-07-10T18:00:00.000+01:00

Ex hub has kids every Wednesdy night at mine. Ex hub is a good father. Ex hub likes routine and an orderly house. On his watch, both kids are fed, washed and in bed by 9pm....which is when he leaves and I get home. He gives me his report on the kids, as if we were nurses going on and off shift...'ate tea at 5, bath at 6 and bowels opened 6.30 etc..' He goes, door clicks shut...and we all wait .... Then both kids spring out of bed, lights, TV, computer go on and I rush to the bathroom to put my face on and off I go to the pub with lovely boyfriend. Ex hub knows nothing of this and goes home a happy contented man, knowing he has done his fatherly duty. Who am I to shatter his self image..!He has never wondered why I make sure he has his tube pass, umbrella etc - He thinks I care...I'm just worried that he'll pop back and find the house hopping and me gone to pub...thus proving what a bad mother I really am and how right he was to divorce me! The quest for fun goes on...unimpeded by ex hub...!!

2008-07-08T21:48:00.000+01:00

So, this PTA thing grinds on. Met with the head and the caretaker today to put, what they thought, were the final touches to the arrangements. In reality, we have one volunteer for the 'smash a plate stand' and two mad facepainters. Hmmmm. Have just drafted yet another 'Greetings from your PTA!!!!" letter to go home by pupil post tomorrow. ( the number of exclaimation marks per letter indicate my level of hysteria) I may as well just chuck 300 pieces of A paper straight into the recycling unread, as that's where they're going anyway. Unread.
Anyhoo, to other matters. My quest for fun goes on, unabashed. I spent a very pleasent aftenoon with two coppers scouting the ward for potential youth venues. Well, what an interesting afternoon! Never let it be said that young people lack things to do. Quite the opposite...if you count having sex in fields, drinking VAST quatitities of blue WKD, smoking, graffiting and riding mini mortobikes.
The police are trying to do their best against pretty impossible odds....PARENTS. There is no such thing as a bad child, just crap parents. Glib it may be, but oh so true. Signing off now...have 2 hour driving lesson, open day at son's school, 8 hours at work and a junior boxing club to run tomorrow. And it's only Wednesday....zzzzzzzzzzzz

2008-07-07T22:28:00.000+01:00

In addition to working full time, learning to drive, mothering 2 children and running admin side of my lovely boyfriend's small business...I am the chair of the PTA. A major impediment to my plans to have more fun! How the hell I ever got involved in the PTA I will never know. Another of my 'low beam' moments....thwack, see stars and ooops....I've volunteered for yet another thankless task...! I am currently having sleepless nights about the upcoming summer (!) fete. It being a church school, the fete is the jewell in the crown of the school year - and it's biggest moneyspinner. I cannot express how much I hate the rest of the committee! Two women in particular bring me out in spots....how I didn't smack one when she complained that there were "too many words" in the mufti day letter...grrr! Another one, taller, fatter, stupider, complained when her chubby child didn't get a second creme egg even though she had submitted 2 entries for the easter egg colouring competition...God spare me!
I feel completely TRAPPED!! I'm now spending more time doing the bloody PTA work than my own job...and for what?! A set of sponge goal post guards (!). I'D HAVE BOUGHT THEM MYSELF IF I'D KNOWN THE AGONY THAT IS THE PTA!
And I won't start on the caretaker...he hates the committee more than I do...although the 6 tins of stella we gave him at Xmas helped smooth relations a bit.....

2008-07-07T20:42:00.001+01:00

A big part of the 'injecting more fun into my life' plan is passing my driving test. I am embarassed to admit that I cannot drive...well, I CAN drive, but not legally. I have spent thousands of pounds, never mind thousands of hours driving round and round in duel control cars with strangers. Some of whom were very strange indeed ...my first instructor had what my dad would call a 'gunner eye'..very off putting when looking straight at me AND the wing mirror at the same time... weird...! After her (lessons abandoned when I was unable to fit behind the wheel being about 15 months pregnant at the time..), came Stuart. He was small, smelly and had the most incredible teeth... they looked as if they were made of wood. Parallel parking in a mini metro was challenging enough without being up close and personal with Les Pattersons younger brother...eurrghh..
Next came a small redheadded man, who was very angry all the time...with me, his wife, the car, the road...everything and anything really that came into his orbit. Two lessons and I was off...hard to drive and fear for your life at the same time, and not feel agrived at paying for the pleasure into the bargain! Then came Ian, a pop eyed balding bloke who guzzled red bull through out each lesson. Scary. Up next was an indian lady who filled the car with students, not wanting to waste time actually dropping any of us home between lessons. I considered taking sandwiches...and it was a micra...
My current instructor is great...a big, bluff Dub who punctuates lessons with shouts of 'Holy Jaysus, what the f*%£k was that!!" and has made it his lifes work (no pressure!)to get me through the test. I am about to book my first for over 5 years in early September...I'll keep you posted...!

2008-07-07T10:14:00.000+01:00

ok, here i am, at home sitting in what i can only describe as the back room of a chineese laundry, with pets. i am technically working from home, but have been sidetracked by a) the mounds of clean clothes for ironing; b) the slightly smaller mounds of dirty washing from the kids weekend with dad and piles of work/pta/bank/utility paperwork....

How did I get here? over 40, 2 kids, full time job, one ex husband, one boyfriend, 2 guinea pigs and a three legged cat. Life wasn't supposed to be like this. all this introspection has been prompted by some pics that an old boyfriend sent to me via facebook (I know! Me, facebook! thats a whole other posting..) anyhoo, there I was, 23 or thereabouts, looking like, well, a bit of a mess hair wise as this was 1988 and before st john of frieda came along...but I looked, well, untroubled, optimistic, and as if i was on the cusp of something great... of course at the time I thought i was hideous...

All that energy, wasted on a serious of rubbish jobs, men and frittered away in pints and large measures....never mind the thousands of fags smoked..

hmm, gloomy?! maybe just a bit...! Come and join me while i use this blog to keep me focussed and on track (years of managment have sullied my vocab) in my quest to find that 'old' me and get some fun back into my life....here goes!