Sunday, 9 September 2012

Hello world.... Been yonks since I last blogged. Have had a bit of an uppy downy year so fine, still just about paying the mortgage and keeping hold of my job.... But...but..and but again...the depression that I thought I'd kicked a long time ago is slowly coming a drop of black ink in a clear bowl of water, my mood is darkening and I'm finding it harder each day to greet the dawn with my (now long gone) sense of optimism and cheerfulness.... So what's happened? Nothing really. I just can't get back to the cheery being I used to be....stuff that I'd shrug off, now weighs me down and I cannot shift into a lighter gear.... I'm worried about money. Worried about my work contract not being renewed. Stuff that I am always worried about, but I can't dismiss as before. So what to do? Go to the docs and get meds and or signed off work? No chance - doing the job I do, any hint of depression would alarm the people who employ me and cast a shaddow of doubt on my ability to do the work I do. Tell my family? Nope again. No chance - I love them but don't want them to know. They'd worry and want to help. Wouldn't tell the kids - too much for them. And as for my lovely man, no way....even after 8 years together, I have not fully opened up to him and keep the core of me very much hidden.....maybe I'm afraid that he'd run off....hmmmm. So, whoever reads this - any advice? Pearls of wisdom?