Friday, 3 September 2010

read dis....looooolllll!

This is a real conversation between my daughter (who sent 4000 texts in June!!!! - another post re THAT on the way!!) and her pal, chatting about their up-coming A Level interview with the Head of Year......


"Darling Daughter: I’m not looking forward to the sixth form interview tomorrow /:

Boy Pal: inittt wtf do we say haha
Wednesday at 11:03pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: I dunno, but I'm bringing my mum with me tomorrow after she made me feel like the most horrible person on the planet :(
Wednesday at 11:04pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: bring in the reinforcemntss lol i like your thinking :)
Wednesday at 11:05pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: init! My mumma will stand up for me :) after I told her about today, she weren't happy with her at all hahaha
Wednesday at 11:07pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: lol same but they cant really do anyhting now cooz theyve accepted you so. they can stand back and fuck themselves :)
Wednesday at 11:09pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: Yeah, but she made me think I wasn't gunna get in, and I was like "waaaaahhh!" And then she was like "I'll let you in now go" I thought I was gunna collapse in fright hahaha :) what did she say to you??
Wednesday at 11:10pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: she goes im worried bout you coz your name always comes up bla bla and she said she doesnt wsnt me to make her regret accepting me or w,ee and she wants to keep an eye on me :S
Wednesday at 11:12pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal:she's bare scary :/ hahaha
Wednesday at 11:12pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: init :/ she was like I don't know whether to let you in, and all I could see was me lining outside the job centre :S
Wednesday at 11:14pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: loool FUCKKK tht :/ alow job centress mann / for slackerss
Wednesday at 11:14pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: I'm just well scared cause I have her for the interview too :(
Wednesday at 11:19pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal :ahh pissed acc im pisd to i have mrs m :/
Wednesday at 11:19pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter:I like her better though
Wednesday at 11:20pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: yeah but dont like either still hahah
Wednesday at 11:25pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter:I'd like to have miss m actually, she's well nice to me
Wednesday at 11:27pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: hahaha allow both i wanted ms psoo safe x
Wednesday at 11:27pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: I loved her, but she spoke to me like I was stupid cause I was getting D's in science, ahahhaha
Wednesday at 11:29pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: shes sick alow any of the others...what if you had got mr a :O
Wednesday at 11:32pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: I like him too :) old Ms c just made me wanna curl up in a ball and cry this morning hahaha
Wednesday at 11:33pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: hahahahahaahahahahah i was brickin it when i had to see her thos morning :/
Wednesday at 11:35pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: Mmmm, she made me feel so shit, and made me panic, the second I got home I went and cried to my mum hahaha! She said she wasn't sure if she was gunna let me in and I felt physically sick! :/
Wednesday at 11:36pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: YOUR SOOO CUTE :P lol i felt like shit this mornin anywayss and she never helped :/ but lets jus do our best :)
Wednesday at 11:38pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: Shuup! It weren't cute! I felt like the biggest tit on the fucking planet! But yeah I deffo agree, everyone do their best :)
Wednesday at 11:39pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: ‎:) adorable :P looool and yeahh butt i need to properly try hard and not flop :) SOO BAD .. im not gona fuck about at all x
Wednesday at 11:41pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: Shusssh! Same, I was saying to my mum I'm gunna do all my homework the night I get it, I'd just best stick to doing it instead of being distracted by stupid things like my cat and the telly lol
Wednesday at 11:44pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: loooooooooool initt ! i need to do it :/
Wednesday at 11:45pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: I'm gunna try proper hard this year. Time to get focused on school proper!!
Wednesday at 11:46pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: nerded up..neek up as rach so delicatley put it :) lol
Wednesday at 11:47pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: Lol :) what options you taking?
Wednesday at 11:49pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: you? x
Wednesday at 11:50pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: art, english, sociology & classics. Art will be looooong
Wednesday at 11:51pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: loool good subjects tho :)
Wednesday at 11:51pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: snap with yours, :)
Wednesday at 11:53pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: mine ar quite hard tho alow I GOT FORCED IN to media and ict :S
Wednesday at 11:54pm · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter:Yeah, but ict will be good when you're getting a job or going uni,
Wednesday at 11:56pm · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal : sposee so yeah..but same with your englishh thts so sick :)
Yesterday at 12:00am · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: I'm proper happy bout english actually. I thought I got like a D cause I panicked in the exam but I got me two B's :)
Yesterday at 12:02am · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: thatsss sickk!
Yesterday at 12:03am · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: Thanks :) politics looks well hard!
Yesterday at 12:03am · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: your tellin me? lol
Yesterday at 12:08am · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: my 11 year old brother knows more about politics than me! : hahaha :)
Yesterday at 12:09am · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal :probably knows miore then mee too lol
Yesterday at 12:10am · LikeUnlike

Darling Daughter: its quite depressing haha :) he starts yr 7 on friday :)
Yesterday at 12:12am · LikeUnlike

Boy Pal: loooooool "

Well. What can I say. No spell check on Facebook, obviously. Looooooolll!!!!

Tuesday, 20 July 2010

Be Warned - I've been driven to having a Daily Mail Rant

Well. What a frikkin month I've had. Lots of tedious rubbish at work coupled with mega stresses at home. Work I can deal with - feckless parents and jobsworth colleagues. Easy. What is slightly more tricky is the ex-partner of a good friend taking him to court for a half a million. Yes - half a million pounds, to buy her a bigger house.

Now if he had half a million I wouldn't mind, but he doesn't. At least not in cash. He is a hardworking self employed builder who has put his hard earned cash into property over the last 20 years. Through the ups and downs of the property market. No pension. Just bricks and mortar. All sorted out so that once he has shuffled off this mortal coil, each child gets a property.

Him and his ex had a relationship and two kids were born. They split up before the second child was born. She has waged a campaign of hate and venom against him since the split, resulting in her not allowing any access to the kids. I won't go into the gorey details, but suffice to day she now has a police caution and harassement warning to her name. Classy.

So fast forwards 6 years and my friend is in court, having paid nearly a grand for a brief. She too is in court, having paid nothing for her barrister. He has to declare every nook and cranny of his affairs. She has submitted a page of A4 as she says she has no income.....despite having a workshop in her upstairs bedroom, churning out wedding dresses.... Hmmm. He has paid her maintence and paid his dues via the CSA, but she want more. More! Half a fekkin million more!!!!

She, get this, WANTS HIM TO BUY HER A BIGGER HOUSE. She has a house, with enough bedrooms, but just wants a bigger one. And she has been allowed to pursue this with the help of our very generous legal aid system.

Not fair!!! I rage against this!!! Apart from all the obvious stuff re the kids and access and fairness, what makes my blood boil is that she lets us, the so called sisterhood, down. How brazen is she, working and claiming benefits, rubbing all us hardworking lone mothers' noses in it?

But, and I know this, there are many more like this woman, dishonestly claiming poverty and living off the rest of us.

She has no shame. She has a house, which the state has paid for for the last 10 years. She has a talent, for which she could earn a legitimate wage, but chooses not to.

They are due back in court in October. I'll keep you posted.

Wednesday, 2 June 2010


I'm back! Again!!

Well Ican't believe it's been almost two (!) months since I last posted. LOADS to report! A wedding (not mine - purleese, have you not been paying attention!), a very eventful few weeks in work, GCSEs, discovering my ex hub HAS A SECRET FACEBOOK ACCOUNT !!!(immediately jumping to the conclusion that he has a secret identity or at the very least is probably dogging OR swinging, or both....hmm! ), the fights with my daughter over her prom dress - erm , micro-dress/wide belt. Well, when it's written down it looks a bit less,erm, interesting, BUT I've lived it and believe you me it been a rollercoster. lovely man has practically moved in.....feck! I've now got to listen to R4 ON FEKKIN HEADPHONES in bed so I don't wake him up too early!!! AAAAAAAAAGGGGGH!

Will write more soon! Ciao!

Sunday, 11 April 2010

yee har, alone again, almost!

The children have gone to their fathers for the week. I dropped them off on Friday evening and roared off to a child free week of bliss.....!

Now that might sound a bit harsh, but as much as I love my kids, I love them a bit more when they are away. It is sheer bliss to just sit, and not have to get up to find things, prepare meals, gather washing, load and unload dishwasher. I know that this will sound a bit odd, but my week would be even better if my lovely man was away too. I love him, but he drives me mad. I joked that I should get carers allowance for him - I laughed, he didn't. He likes to know what I'd doing. He pops in for cups of tea at various times during the day. He even wanted me to go on a bike ride with him and his son today! He couldn't understand that I just wanted to be by myself and potter round the house and garden.

Is is such a crime to want to potter round my own house? To do a bit of knitting, sort out my bits of fabric that I might one day make into a quilt? To feck about in the garden, sort out my recycling bins, hang some washing, listen to Poetry Please on R4?

I work full time so very rarely get time to potter. My lovely man does not get pottering. He has to be on the go all the time - it is exhausting....and I feel so guilty!

Am I wasting the day as he sees it? Or am I being sensible, recharging my batteries, helping to hold onto my sanity....or what is left of it?

Anyhoo, I'm making the most of the time I have left to myself today - my lovely man has just texted me, suggesting a walk along the river after tea. Hmmm, is there no escape!?

Wednesday, 31 March 2010

I've always been a bit obsessive about food. Calorie counting, measuring the fat content and how many carbs are in food fill my head some days. I am 5 feet 3 and just under 9 stone. I weigh myself every day and feel really stressed if I go over the magic 9 stone mark....

I was never really fat, being 10 stone 2 at my heaviest. I lead a reasonably stressful life, juggling a full time job, two kids, relationship and all the rest of the stuff that goes with being a modern mum. Am I the only one who is like this? I've got a wedding to go to, and a weekend away to Valencia at the end of May and all I can think about is getting to 8 and a half stone in time.

I love to cook and bake like a mad woman some weekends. My fridge and cupboards are full. I spend vast amounts in Sainsburys. I've not had a bacon sarnie or baked potato with butter for God know how long. I manage to hide my obsessions from my family....I think. I am obsessed with food and totally petrified of it and how I can control what goes into my body.

Is this the way a 45 year old woman should be?

Saturday, 20 March 2010

Yet another list....! Ten of my favourite things.....

Thank you Whoopsy Daisy for tagging me.

Well....the current ten no particular order, except of course my kids will always come first!!!

My two children. More specifically, the smell of my two children, especially after they get out of the bath. Yum.

Knitting. And making things in general. I learned to knit when I was a small child. My mother was a compulsive knitter and the five of us spent our pre-teen years wearing my mothers creations. One particular hideous creations was a red and grey balaclava that I had to wear to school in the winter. My mother wasted nothing and would unravel the stuff we grew out of to make something else....My mother also like to sew, and again, managed to dress her 5 kids on a very tight budget. My poor older sisters cringe when looking at photos of themselves - wearing, and I kid you not, dresses made out of my mothers old 'A' line skirts. Yes. She just cut two holes in the side and a bit of random non-matching material to make a neckline and inflicted these garments on her two girls. I remember she also made us pinafores out of a big piece of petrol blue leatherette. We went around like three church bells, as the bloody leatherette was tough upholstery grade, for covering chairs. Hmm.

Cooking, or baking more specifically. I popped a choccy cake in the oven just before I started this post. Hmm, smells lovely. And, Betty Crocker frosting - fab, turns a simple sponge into, well, a better sponge. Yum again.

My lovely man, who rescued me after my divorce and gave me back my groove, if ya know what I mean girls....

Charity shops, as in the past 3 months I've bought £500 worth of curtains for less than £40 AND fab Joseph coat for £12.50. Result!!

My job. Hours of entertainment at the expense of the great unwashed. Harsh but true.

Radio 4.....glorious. And the ARCHERS! And Fags, Mags and Bags...hillarious.

How many is this so far? Um, 3 more to go....

My sisters. Fab and great fun. They keep me grounded and bring me back to earth when I get a bit above myself. 'Remember I wiped your arse for a year' is a regular refrain from big sis number 1. And she did - being 10 years older!

John Lewis - more specifically the wool and fabrics bit, with the homewares coming in a closed second. I've spend many happy hours in the Kingston branch. Just touching and feeling the fabrics. Yes weird I know, but I don't care.

And........BLOGGING!! Love it, love reading all the blogs I follow and I love love love when you guys leave comments. However, I could do without the weird Chinese comments. I cut and pasted the one on my most recent post into bable fish and it was pretty rude!! Hugely entertaining though.

So who's next??? Moannie? Auntie Gwen???

Thursday, 11 February 2010

Ten things that happened to me this week

1. I discovered that my 16 year old daughter had had sex with her boyfriend in my house when I was out.
2. I took one of the mothers from the infants school to an emergency psychiatric outpatient clinic as she was having delusions.
3. I produced a detailed plan on how to improve life for the residents on the local estate where I am based. In an hour.
4. I had my wing mirror kicked off. Feckers.
5. I had my wing mirror fixed. Expensive Feckers.
6. I worked last Friday evening at our local community college youth club. Till 10pm.
7. I worked Saturday at the Dads club that I run, hence being out of the house when 1. occured.
8. I discovered that I am not at all cool with 16 year olds having sex in my house. In fact I am a total stiff about it.
9. I realised that my daughter is a virtual stranger to me and holds me and my views on sex in total contempt. Hard one, that, to get your head round.
10. I realised that having worked a full week and experienced all of the above, I am entitled to tell all and sundry to FECK OFF and leave me alone.

I realise that this is not a particularly exciting list, but believe you me, this is just the tip of a very large iceberg. And it's not even Friday.

ps: My darling son has now gone down with a virus, so I am doing the whole mummy thing AND trying to work from home.....fielding calls about all sorts from work, none of which I can do anything about, stuck here as I am!!!! However, good news is that my ex's dad will have my boy this afternoon, freeing me up to run an arts and crafts session from 3pm for 14 families AND a meeting with the police at 5pm about God knows what - I've totally forgotten and it was ME who called the meeting!!!!!!

I hear the merlot calling, calling, calling.......

pps: my wonderful sister has volunteered to have my daughter for the half term!!! Hurrah! My lovely boy is still at his dads and my lovely boyfriend is away for the night so I AM TOTALLY ALONE. I cannot tell you how wonderful this feels, even if the house is a tip and I've loads of work to catch up on! Just waiting till after The Archers (Phil RIP, boo hoo) to have a glass of merlot. In my PJs!!

Sunday, 17 January 2010


Well, all started out fine on Friday night. Me and my lovely man arranged to meet our friends for a few beers and a catch up. Had 2 glassses of wine in the first pub - we had to leave as it was too noisy! Definitely over forty!! Trotted along to the next pub where we had over the course of 2 hours, another 4 drinks each.
I was totally pissed and staggered home at midnight. Now, I've been out many nights and had either the same amount or more and not felt as drunk. Why is this? Maybe the wine in the second pub was very strong?

Am I deluding myself and to have 6 drinks over 5 hours is too much?? Anyhoo, I spent all of yesterday either in bed or throwing up! My God, how embarassing is that? I even, to my shame, chucked up as I drove the car home yesterday evening, and again into the newspaper as I waited for a train!!!!

I'm sure I'm on CCTV somewhere and will no doubt star in a cable TV show - 'Women who Hurl in Public - shocking footage from public transport'......!

So, here I am, still slightly green about the gills, feeling a bit foolish. I've also got a very large bruise on my thigh where I fell over taking off my trousers!!!

I have now decided to give up the booze and stick to soft drinks. Watch this (very sober) space!!