As you might have gleaned reading past blog posts, I have a reasonably good relationship with ex-hub. We separated in 2002 after 12 years and 2 kids together....so lots of history and shared memories. Our realtionship,post divorce, improved once we realised that we loved our kids more than we hated each other...
On Fathers day, we all went out to the local curry house for a very civilised meal. It was lovely. He paid and the kids behaved themselves. I was surprised when he suggested going out, as he usually avoids any kind of 'family' time with me. I don't think he has ever gotten over the fact that he no longer lives with his children. It makes me sad and I sometimes think about what would've happened if we both had tried harder and been kinder to each other. Don't get me wrong, I am much happier now that I was before, but I'm not sure the kids really are and if ex-hub really is either. I suppose that makes me very selfish, and I would change things if I could. However, I no longer love him and I am truly in love with my lovely boyfriend. Ex hub is very much in love with his girlfriend, who is lovely and is very good for him. So it's not about me and him, but about our kids and the impact divorce and separation has on them, and the absent parent. Me and ex-hub have managed to re-build our emotional life, but I'm not sure that our kids ever will.
I look at the likes of Katie and Peter, and how their realtionship meltdown is being played out in the very unforgiving glare of the tabloid press. We all do things we regret during a divorce - mostly in private and between the 2 people involved usually. I am so glad that my kids will never see the horrible texts and e mails or hear the shitty phone messages we left for each other as our marriage imploded. All those kids have to do is google 'Jordan divorce' and there it is for them to see - their parents at their worst.
I come from a culture that believed that marriage was for life, however terrible it was. Marital infidelity was rife, but swept under the carpet. Divorce was taboo. Maybe it was my was of rebelling against that culture that made me go for the divorce? Who knows. All I do know is that we get one life and we must make the most of it. Life truly is too short to hold a grudge or hate an ex-partner.