Monday, 20 October 2008

I passed!!!!

I have passed my driving test. I have actually passed. I HAVE PASSED MY DRIVING TEST!!!!!!!!!!! I cannot tell you how happy I am. I squeaked with happiness and hugged the examiner with joy!

I never expected to be a 'proper driver' ever. I spent the last 15 years avoiding any conversations around motorway routes, cars, driving in general as I was so ashamed of not being a driver. I have had years of guilt about what my kids have missed out on, all the non visits to the parks, all the non trips to my family in the shires... never mind all the missed IKEA opportunities. However, it has become fashionable not to drive, being the green thing to do, so things did get slightly easier, as, thanks to the modern curriculum, my son regards driving and the car next to mortal sin and the devil ( Catholic education).

Oh the guilt!! How did I allow myself to get to 43 and NOT BE ABLE TO DRIVE?? Can I really blame my lack of a licence on crap instructors, lack of funds, lack of confidence, a low tedium threshold and fear. Not really...just didn't get my arse in gear until now...

So this morning I was very nervous. Up at 7am for a lesson and then the test at 8.10. Several squirts of rescue remedy (would it send me over the limit ?) However, my lovely instructor told me not to worry," it was only (!) £60 and who cares what a wanker in a yellow jacket thinks"...!
" I DO" I wailed!

Well, the test itself went without a hitch. I did the one and only perfect parallel park I will ever do, and the 3 point turn in 5. Relief, engines off and well done.

Now, instead of spending all my time on property auction sites I am now trawling fish4cars, looking for my dream car for under £500...

Sunday, 5 October 2008

A child called Rampton....

Just been to Aldi (Waitrose is but a dim memory..) and heard the funniest thing. An obviously stressed young mum was at the checkout with her son who was about 4 or so....he was getting fractious and he ran off. Without looking left or right, she screeched 'RAMPTON COME BACK'. Now, as used to stupid childrens' names as I am, working where I do, Rampton has taken the biscuit. Rampton, I thought was a high security mental hospital., NOT a name for a small child. Maybe, like Brooklyn Beckham, his parents wanted to celebrate where he was conceived.. Lets hope not. Yikes!

Saturday, 4 October 2008

ASBOs and Botox....a heady mix...

My week gets weirder. Just before going into a meeting on Thursday about an ASBO with the police I popped to the loo. I can no longer leave it more than 45 minutes between each visit, even less if I've had a cup of tea... Anyhoo, the loo was the usual local authority model, slightly grubby, a bit whiffy with a couple of wavy mirrors and a 500 watt bulb. All combining to make you look like Grayson Perry on a bad day. As I applied some lippy, a blond woman came out of the cubicle and started to wash her hands. We started chatting as you do and within 30 seconds she had confessed to using botox, having an eye lift and getting her boobs done. Too much information! She also confessed to being in her late 40's (!). I must've looked aghast as she then said that the botox hadn't agreed with her and had only lasted 3 weeks. I didn't ask about the boobs or her eyes as to be honest she looked completely mad. Her hair on closer inspection was bleached and resembled candy floss and her hands were, well, like claws. She asked if I'd had anything done (bloody cheek) and I said that I coloured my hair and waxed my eyebrows. She then said that I really should think about it as it had transformed her life! Eeeek! What the heck had she looked like before? I was rescued by my PC friend hollering 'ASBO!' throught the door.

So into the meeting. The discussion was centered on a very troubled teen who has just about stretched everyones patience to the limit. Usual story , troubled family, broken home etc etc. She had been arrested for several incidences of criminal damage, assault, racist taunting and general all round pain in the arseness. She can be lovely. She has a bright future in sport as she is a talented runner. She is a great cook. She is also a bloody nightmare and has absolutely no respect for authority, or empathy for any of the victims of her behaviour. So, time to act. This girl has had hours and hours of my time, never mind all the other agencies involved with her. A waste of time? Maybe. But you cannot allow a teenager to hold a community to ransom with her behaviour or continue to act in a way that will end in prison for her, at best. So hence the ASBO. Lets see what happens....

Hmm, botox? Had a closer look at myself in that mirror and thought yes, something needs to be done.! Went home and slathered on that cream from Boots and booked an eyebrow wax....